Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
