so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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