We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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