I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
even my farts smell like vagina
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
