If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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