In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
