Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just googled if crying burns calories
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
