are you still at the devil's house?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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