that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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