dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
