well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
