You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
