Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
someone owes me an orgasm
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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