Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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