Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
