doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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