I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
