Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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