I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
