whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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