I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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