i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You made out with two different species that night
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
