Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
