"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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