You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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