just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Randomize
