Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
