wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
