conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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