I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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