She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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