I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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