I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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