I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
