I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
