Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
