ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
