I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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