Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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