Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
