He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
