he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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