Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
