I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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