Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
