Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
