not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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