i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
