Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
