it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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