This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
